Feeling a little deflated and orange as I write this. I had a fluorescein angiography today, where they inject a dye into your vein so that they can see the blood supply in your eye. The dye gives you a ‘celebrity tan,’ I was told, which could of course be any colour from and old leather bag to a sickly jaundice. Your urine also turns yellow. Not just a normal yellow colour but fluorescent yellow. In fact if I put it in a straw I could happily wave it around a dance floor and it would glow in the dark and fit right in with the kids day glow sticks. I might give it to them as a cheap version of a glowing necklace later and see if they notice? “Don’t be alarmed.” I was told. There is also some adrenaline at hand as  1 in 1000 will have an anaphylactic shock and need adrenaline. Bloody hell, can I just go home now?

If my blood supply was good and sight loss was due to the fluid, than Avastin injections could prevent further deterioration of my sight. Unfortunately my sight loss is due to ischaemia rather than fluid so Avastin injections won’t work. Obviously the plus side is I don’t have to go through having injections into my eye and making the repetitive monthly journey to get them. The down side is that there is nothing that can be done to restore the sight or prevent further deterioration. This is all said by the consultant  with good humour and smiles so that you think it’s the best news you’ve heard all week, but my mind was ticking away as I was grinning like a nodding dog. I have realised quite quickly that any questions need to be asked there and then, as once you walk out of that office you need to wait for your next appointment and it’s incredibly annoying if you want further clarification. So I asked the questions that were on my mind and the responses were that it was ischaemia, which is death of the blood supply to a patch, mine was confirmed at between 12 and 1 o’clock. It was quite early to get it. It usually appears from 3 years. Just because it is early it doesn’t mean that it will progress faster, but it will progress. I’m looking at about another 2 years of sight in that eye. Pile of sh*t hey?!

As I wrote that last sentence I laughed as I remembered a member on my eye cancer group who had had an eye removed due to a large tumour. He had been given a choice as to whether to treat the tumour or go straight for removal. His response was “well if you had a bag of sh*t you wouldn’t chuck the sh*t and keep the bag would you?” Fair point well made young man.

So as I have also come to expect, she would like to see me again in a month. This is where I silently scream. I spoke to my husband on the train on the way home as I had gone to this appointment on my own. He said he felt sad for me. I feel a little sad too. It will pass, in a day or two I will think how silly to feel down about it as it really doesn’t matter, but over the past year I have learned that it is important to acknowledge these feelings. It doesn’t take me long to bounce back. I have a very important 70th party to attend this weekend so with the prospect of seeing lovely family and having lots of glasses of champagne I can’t stay glum for long. Anyway in my opinion two eyes are totally overrated. It’s all about mono vision now don’t you know?!